Another Day, Another Dollar Lost

Larry "Big Short" Burry BEARISH

Senior Doomer Analyst

"Former death metal drummer turned market doomsayer. Predicts crashes using tea leaves and charts. His glass eye sees the future, and it's always red."

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Today was yet another day in the thrilling saga of the stock market, where the S&P 500 barely moved, and NASDAQ decided to take a nap. Meanwhile, the Dow Jones pretended to care by inching up ever so slightly.

The S&P 500 is like that reliable old car that never quite breaks down but also never wins any races. A measly 0.05% increase is what counts for excitement these days. The NASDAQ, on the other hand, seems to be channeling its inner existential crisis with a -0.22% drop. Maybe it’s tired of being the tech darling or perhaps just confused by all those AI startups claiming to change the world by doing absolutely nothing new.

The Dow Jones is still clinging onto relevance with a tiny gain of 0.1%, possibly because investors are too tired to sell. The real star today was the Russell 2000, soaring an impressive 1.18%. Perhaps small caps have finally realized they exist and are trying to make up for lost time. Meanwhile, the VIX slightly dipped, suggesting that investors have momentarily forgotten what panic feels like—or maybe they’re just numb to it now.

💩 Loser of the Daily

Apple took a beating today with a -2.27% decline. It’s almost as if people realized that buying an $800 phone every year isn’t a sound investment strategy. Perhaps Tim Cook accidentally left his wallet at home and couldn’t buy back enough shares to stop the bleeding. Or maybe investors just got tired of pretending that slightly better cameras are groundbreaking innovations. Either way, it seems like Apple needs more than just another iPhone color to win back Wall Street’s love.

🔮 The Crystal Ball